I've decided to read only fiction
at least, for the next two weeks...
Dear humans:
I’m about to go on a two-week vacation to Amsterdam and Vienna. I leave tomorrow.
The last time I took more than a week away from work (besides when I had COVID) was in 2021, when I took 3-weeks off (but even then, I popped in here and there to check my email, to observe a few teacher trainees teach their classes, write up a few reflections, etc… so, not quite off-off, but close…).
As a (mostly) self-employed person, my schedule is up to me, which usually means I spend a lot of time thinking, planning, and getting ready to embark on a project, and then panicking when I realize I’ve been thinking and planning and getting ready for weeks and haven’t actually done the thing I set out to do.
To be honest, I often feel like I spend more time thinking about work than actually working. This is particularly annoying because there are many days when I look back and notice that I didn’t get anything done, but I didn’t take the day off, either. I just spent the day feeling stressed out, and ended the day feeling more behind than when I started.
In a recent meeting with my business coach, I told her about my tendency to spend more time planning and panicking than actually working. I told her how this made me nervous to actually take days off because, if I’m already not getting any work done, how could I justify intentionally taking time off?! As usual, she offered a surprising suggestion:
“Why don’t you try giving yourself a month with no deadlines? Let the things you’re doing take as long as they take, and don’t panic when they take a while. Trust that you don’t need the panic of a looming deadline in order to get something done.”
Then, she added: “Also, when you’re not working, don’t wonder if you should be working - just let yourself be off! Rest! Play! Do anything but think about work!”
If I had a regular job with a boss and investors and fiscal years and other forces outside of my control, this advice might be laughable. But I do not have a regular job. I do not have a boss telling me when to post my writing, when to update my website, when to film my next video, when to plan my next retreat, or how long any of these things should take.
Also, I am prone to over-planning, perfectionism, and guilt, so at the same time I want to do everything flawlessly, I am perpetually annoyed with myself when I take forever to do something, often missing the deadlines I have imposed on myself anyway… It dawned on me that maybe my deadlines were not helping me accomplish things, and that perhaps they were instead, making me freeze.
So I took her advice. Mostly. The main exception was for April Fool’s day, which only happens once a year, and kind of doesn’t work if you celebrate it late… (Speaking of which, if you didn’t know that Soul Fusion was this year’s ruse, now you know. ;))
So far, I have been more efficient during my working hours, less stressed out during my non-working hours, and I’ve even snuck in some mid-day naps here and there. (Truly unheard of!)
Apparently, when I don’t waste a whole bunch of energy judging myself, I am much more present and focused. !
And now here I am, about to go on vacation for two weeks.
Two full weeks, resting and playing, not working.
Part of me is still a little anxious that if I don’t bring my computer, or set up a bunch of automated Instagram and blog posts for when I’m gone, everyone will forget about me and I’ll lose all my students and never have an income again.
Another, growing part of me is thrilled to take so much time away; the thought of not bringing my computer, of not reading anything but fiction, of being fully present with my family for two full weeks in a beautiful place is enough to make me want to sing! I want so much to trust that I can take time away from work, that I can focus on joy and rest and presence, and not return in a few weeks, feeling “behind.”
So I’m going to try.
I am not going to bring my computer.
I am not going to bring my to-do lists, or any books related to yoga, trauma, or personal development.
I am going to do my best to be present.
I hope that you, too, can carve out some time to rest, to play, to let go of planning and be present.
I hope you can give yourself time to look at the blossoms on the trees before they fade.
And I hope you give yourself time to look at the people and animals in front of you, the ones who really love you, and to remember that they, like the blossoms, will not be here forever.
I hope that you can give yourself the grace to play, to fall, to fail, to miss a deadline, to take a long-ass time doing something, and to remember that time is relative, anyway.
I won’t say I’ll miss you while I’m gone, because hopefully, I’ll be too fully-present for that. But I will say, with confidence, that when I return, I will be glad to see you again.
So much love,
Abby
P.S. Since I really won’t be working, or advertising any of my upcoming events for the next couple weeks, I’d love it if you could take a gander at the little banners below, and spread the word to any friends you think might be interested. Thank you, I appreciate you, you’re the best!
Quick note to all my faithful readers/ anyone who cares: I am branching out from my original project. For the past few months, most of my writings have centered on a part of the body, and whatever musings that inspires. For the next few whatever-i-feel-like (months? weeks?) my writing will center on… whatever I feel like writing about! It’s part of my grand plan to give myself fewer rules, and to see what happens when I allow myself to follow my heart a little bit more than my head… :)
Upcoming events:
