The First 10,000 Hours
Reflections on Parenthood
My fellow humans:
Just over one year ago, I found out I was pregnant. Like many parents, I knew before the doctors confirmed it. I felt my body and brain start to change: gurgling belly, heavy boobs, crying over anything remotely emotional… So I was not surprised when the stick I peed on proclaimed PREGNANT in big, bold letters. I was not surprised when, at the first ultrasound, the doctor confirmed a heartbeat, as strong as it was fast. While I was anxious (Was this pregnancy here to stay? Would everything go as we’d hoped? What about the three margaritas I’d had in Mexico the week before?!) I was also delighted.
Immediately, I threw myself into self-care mode. I reminded myself that I was not only caring for my own body, but now, the body of my future child. I rested whenever I was tired, ate the most nutritious food I could find, and doubled down on my yoga and meditation practices – anything to increase my chances of staying pregnant and giving birth to the healthiest baby I could.
Fast forward to November 23, 2024: Phoebe was born, healthy, perfect, not to mention with a full head of hair! We had really done it.
Now, she is four months old, and thriving. She loves tummy time and pushing up into high cobra pose. Last week, she found her feet and rolled from her back to her side. A few days later, she rolled over fully. Then last weekend, she started to crawl. And just yesterday – we could not believe it – she climbed up onto a dining room chair, picked up a fork, and took a big bite of the Beef Wellington Alex had just put on the table! Despite not having teeth yet, she managed to chew the whole thing and swallow it down. We watched in awe as she went back for more: another big forkful, another big bite. After she swallowed again, she turned to us and said, “Yummy!” Then, she climbed off the chair, walked straight downstairs to her bedroom and tucked herself in for the night, where she would go on to sleep for 14 uninterrupted hours.
Our jaws dropped. At just over four months, our baby had surpassed milestones that most kids take years to meet. Then, it dawned on us: Without even knowing it, we had become experts in parenting.
They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in a field. At 40 hours a week, this is 250 weeks, or just under five years. But parenting, of course, is a 24/7 gig. Divide 10,000 by 24, and you get 417. And since parenthood technically begins during pregnancy, this means that 417 days after conception, a parent should achieve expert status. Even though today is technically only day 410, if we round up to the nearest 17, we’re pretty much there! And so, in honor of achieving this milestone in parenthood, I thought I’d share a few tips for anyone, expert or not, looking to step up their parenting game and raise the best, smartest, biggest, most attractive, and longest-sleeping kid on the planet. (Side note: I’ve just signed a deal with Random House, and will be turning this all into a book: Baby’s First 10,000 Hours: A Parent’s Guide. So if you find the below tips helpful, stay tuned for more.) Okay, here they are, my top five tips to help you go from nervous novice to parenting pro:
Drink lots of water. Seriously. Like, tons. We all know water is good for us, but just how good? A recent study confirmed that 100% of all parents of babies who learned to walk early had one thing in common: they all drank water. And if we know some water is good, then obviously more is better. So literally, drink as much as you can! Everyone is different, but for me, since learning about the healing power of water, I like to give myself the goal of drinking 4-5 gallons per day. When making parenting decisions (and there are a lot of them!) hydration is key!
Eat a balanced breakfast. You’ve probably heard that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but you may not realize just how important! I didn’t realize it either until literally just now, when I was looking back through my food journals and realized that I have eaten breakfast literally every day since last February, which was the month I conceived! Coincidence? I think not! And so, just like with the water, if we know that some breakfast is good, then it is clear that more is better. Listen to your body, but also, you should probably aim for about 3-4 breakfasts per day, just to be safe. The better you nourish yourself, the better baby will be nourished; the better baby is nourished, the taller she’ll be, and the more impressive she (and you!) will be to other parents – it’s science!
Limit screen time, except when you get a notification that your favorite expert-parenting influencer is hosting an IG live - then you should obviously tune in! Now, I will admit that I did not do this perfectly at first. Sometimes I still slip up and watch the occasional Frog-and-Toad-go-on-a-picnic, or how-to-wake-up-looking-like-Beyoncé-with-literally-zero-effort, or teen-burps-the-lyrics-of-Pink-Pony video – I’m still human!! But in general, with a few exceptions, but especially on weekends and between the hours of 2am and 5am, I really try to limit my screen use. I just know it has helped me be more present with Phoebe, which again, is definitely a huge part of the reason she is so advanced.
Tell your child that you’ll always be there for them, because otherwise how would you be able to film their achievements and post them to the internet?! Obviously, you’ll need to be right by their side at all times. And don’t just take it from me: An exciting new study shows that kids who learn early that everything they do is filmed and posted to IG, FB, or TikTok may be more prepared to deal with Paparazzi later in life, which is good, just in case they become famous, which is of course what we all want! Keep that phone close, preferably on Cinematic mode, and make sure you get a nice combination of head-on videos where they know they’re being filmed, and “candids” - the fans will love the realness!!
Tell your kid that you love them often. Follow it up with something like, “And if it ever feels like I don’t, or like I’m not being the best version of me, it’s probably because I am extremely tired from trying to do everything right, and trying to give you the best life possible.” Go on to clarify: “It’s not your fault, of course - I just have a few hangups from my own childhood and I’m really, really trying not to pass on the intergenerational trauma that I have inherited.” And then, just to really hammer it home, try ending with: “Not that it’s my parents’ or grandparents’ fault either — I know they did their best! (Lord, do I know that now!) It’s just that parenting is really hard, and I love you so much (I know, I said that already!), and the only thing more painful that seeing you in pain is knowing that I can’t prevent you from feeling pain, no matter how hard I try. No matter how much water I drink, how many balanced breakfasts I eat, how present I am, or how many photos and videos I take to document your adorable, amazing, beautiful little life, I know I am not in control. You are your own person, and I cannot wait to see you grow!” Even if you cannot fully say this last part because the mere thought of them growing up and getting hurt and being their own person gives you a lump in your throat, at least just think it at them. Sooner or later, they will get the message, and, sooner or later, they will grow up to be every bit as perfect as you had imagined.
I wish I could write more now, but my daughter is calling. (She just learned a new sonata on the clarinet and wants me to listen! Are our kids amazing or what??) Can’t wait to share more in my new book! Until then, Happy April!
Love,
Abby
P.S. If you’re new to my email list, a) welcome! and b) you should know that every year, I celebrate April 1. Hard. ;)
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